Saturday, May 23, 2009

Oh... THATS What It Means, huh?

Its 6am people!
I haven't slept.
I've been up all night with my best friend and my cousin reviewing the events of the day, and what a day it had been.
Today was one of those days where you come to terms.
Come to terms with the direction life is headed,
and the decisions made within that time span.
I had always been the "Good Girl".
The only girl in elementary school who talked about the bible,...
The only girl in junior high who didn't have a boyfriend,...
The only girl in high school who hadn't even kissed a boy.
I grew up in a very religious family with high standards and I had my mind made up that I wasn't going to change that for anyone.
Whether my choice made me strange or not, that's what I believe was the truth and I lived by that.
It wasn't until I graduated high school that things changed.
Elementary school, High School...
those were all things you had no choice to do.
5th grade, then 6th grade.
7th grade, then 8th grade.
It had all been automatic.
But college.
That was MY choice.
Work, that was MY choice,
and no one could dictate or force me to do anything.
Unfortunately, I wasn't ready for it.
Within the year of my High School graduation,
I made choices and decisions I never thought I would.
The parties, drinking, walking in the house at 8am hung over,
none of that was me.
But, it wasn't until today that I realized myself and the direction I'm headed.
My first real relationship failed,
My relationships with my family had been all over the place,
School lost its priority in my life.
I wasn't really doing much.
Didn't really have much of a plan.
It wasn't until today.
I figured it all out.
It takes the worst and most painful things to help you understand that whats bad for you is all it is. Bad for you.
Some people, like my older sister learn by example.
Well, I learn by experience.
It took someone I cared deeply about hurting me to understand that I need to figure out my life.
I spent, literally the past 6 months indecisive and unsure about where my life was headed all because I changed my focus.
But today, the person who tried to hurt me, really did me a great favor.
Although, I have a big feeling they'll take credit for this in the future claiming this was all in their plan to get me to this realization, I am appreciative.

Oh, and, side spazz...

--I just want you to know something, man...
I'm a really good person.
You know it.
I know it,
And everyone is aware of it.
The situations you've run into and I made myself available for you,
I remember.
Your lack of remorse.
Its noted.
The funny thing is,
I think about the things you've done and wonder (considering theres Karma and all),
what your life will become.
I pictured when you turned the corner with the passenger door unshut tonight, you crashed.
Luckily, that didnt happen.
But, I truly believe theres a possibility you just might be successful.
Cars, trophy wife, the works.
But you have to meet your maker.
That day will come.
And regardless of how you'll be penalized,
Whether its here on Earth,
or on judgment day,
you will receive your just dessert.
The saddest part of me saying this...
You'll ignore the message, and just take pride in the acknowledgement.

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