So, I am awake.
And for some reason, I have this ultra sobby- big baby kinda feeling today.
I went on facebook...
checked my messages...
Saw some things I really didnt wanna see.
Then, I logged on to projectplaylist.com to listen to some music.
By the time i did that, It was the end for me.
I ran into John Legend.
One of my favorite singers.
Since I was a kid, music had always been my way of remembering.
Whether it was a party, or a rainy day at home in upstate NY,
there was always music in the moment.
So, while I played John Legend and tried to find something for me and my best Friend to do online, I remembered things that I just didn't wanna remember.
John Legends, "Another Again" was the theme of my summer of 08'.
What I like to call "The Summer of Unrequited Love".
Although, I must say, it was truly THE BEST ,
and at the same time, the most pivotal summer of my life.
I fell in love.
But, the love was only temporal.
And exactly Like Another Again,
There had been so much back and forth, and there still is too this day.
In order to save the identities of the parties involved,
I'll use nicknames and songs lyrics to explain the situation.
First.
Adele- "Daydreamer"
"A jaw dropper.
Looks good when he walks,
Is the subject of their talk.
He would be hard to chase, but good to catch
And he could change the world with his hands behind his back oh.
You can find him sitting on your doorstep....
Waiting for the surprise.
And he will feel like he's been there for hours.
And you can tell that he'll be there for life.
Daydreamer with eyes that make you melt.
He lends his coat for shelter,
Plus, he's there for you when he shouldn't be
but he stays all the same,
Waits for you then sees you through.
There's no way I could describe him.
But I'll say he's just what I'm hoping for"
I can honestly say, I was on cloud 9.
It was weird.
He wasn't your typical hot guy.
He wasn't exactly Tall, Dark and Handsome.
More like Tall, Dark, and Funny Looking.
But, for some reason, everyone loved him.
He was charismatic, and a jerk.
Who wouldn't love a guy like that, eh?
But seriously, the guy guy was cool,
I just never EVER saw myself with him.
I usually go for the Eric Benet, Jay Hernandez, David Beckham kinda guys.
He didn't exactly fit into any of those categories.
Either way, I just knew I was happy happy happy
and no one could take that away at the moment, that is.
Late July- Mid September 08'
Brandy- "Its Not Worth It"
"You came into my life
And it's so funny how you made everything right
And now you're saying to me something ain't right.
What did I do? Did I hurt you?
Baby can you tell me how to dry your eyes
But let me say I never meant to make you cry
If anything I meant to be right by your side
How did I go wrong? When my love was strong
And all I ever wanted was you
If I can ease the pain, whatever it takes to that is what I'll do
Why do you feel this way
Baby you don't have to 'Cause I am here for you
Don't tell me you want out of this
Don't say it's time for us to quit
Don't say goodbye, this can't be it 'Cause it's not worth it
You mean the world to mev
And all I do is try to give you all of me.
I never do anything that wouldn't be pleasing to you
I never knew that you were hurting
And I'll take the blame for anything that I've done that has caused you pain
I never meant to hurt you in any way
So this day, I wanna say
Baby please forgive me"
There was a point in time, I'd speak to this guy.
To me, things were fine.
To him, there'd be some exhaustingly dramatically deep reason as to why he couldnt be with me, but I was determined to make things work with us.
Whatever it was that I could do to xhange the way he felt, I tried to be that for him.
I was super supportive, understood when he'd run into comploex situations. I even prayed for him whenever things seemed to overhwelm him.
I genuinely had the best interest for him.
Amerie- "When I Think of You"
"I cant stop thinkin about what we once had together
I kno the reason is that our love was meant forever
But now my life is shared with someone other than you
But life is worthless if right beside me there is no you
Everday. Alone. I think of you. Your not my man
Im with somebody else. All i want to kno is can i be with you tonight
I've never stopped lovin your kissin and huggin.
I still think of us when im all alone.
Its hard for me to forget wishin your the one that im with
Now im so full of regrets
What do i do when i think of you
Do you remember the day when you first said i love you
I can remember cause through me all my dreams had come true
Now i dont kno why Im with him when love just aint true
But now i do know why im always wishing that it was you"
Things were a little shaky with us.
I met someone else.
And even though I was with this amazing gentleman,
I still thought about this other guy.
Unfortunately, he had his reason,...
there were soo many reasons,...
We just couldn't be together.
Eventually, we reunited and I dropped the poor gentleman (which i still regret doing).
October- November 08'
Music Soulchild- "Half Crazy".
"I never thought that we could ever be more than friends.
But now, I'm all confused, cause for you,
I have deeper feelings.
We both thought it was cool to cross the lines.
And I was convinced it would be alright.
Now things are strange.
Nothings the same.
And really, I just want my friend back."
The whole situation got so confusing.
I was getting mixed signals, ya know.
I mean, okay, it was my first real relationship.
The first guy to hang around my family.
Know my mom, my sister, and all my favorite people.
My first real date.
First real everything.
So, I wasnt sure about anything.
All i knew was that, I was giving my all
and I felt this guy was reciprocating his feelings.
December 08
"No sir, well I don't wanna be the blame, not anymore.
It's your turn, so take a seat we're settling the final score.
And why do we like to hurt so much?
I can't decide.
You have made it harder just to go on
And why, all the possibilities where I was wrong
That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.
That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.
I drowned out all my sense with the sound of its beating.
And that's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.
I wonder,
How am I supposed to feel when you're not here.
'Cause I burned every bridge I ever built when you were here.
I still try,
Holding onto silly things,
I never learn.
Oh why,
All the possibilities I'm sure you've heard.
That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.
That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.
I drowned out all my sense with the sound of its beating (beating)
And that's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.
Pain make your way to me, to me.
And I'll always be just so inviting.
If I ever start to think straight,
This heart will start a riot in me,
Let's start, start, hey!"
Clearly. Things didnt work out.
For about two months,
I was like, a frikkin woman scorned, lol
I mean, it hurt pretty badly.
Before, I was the kind of person who,...
"Oh, showing up late, huh?... you thought that was funny? No,.. thats not nice, man... go ahead and delete my number"
Thats how I was.
While I was with this loser guy, I was all like
"Oh, you called me some other girls name? Darnit, thats so mean. I forgive you"
It was a really sucky situation.
Now, I'm all Emo and stuff.
Its a sight to see.
But I'm almost over it, ya know...
Atleast, I'd like to think I am.
